tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-16618518106651739722024-03-13T00:48:57.014+00:00Definitely Lost: A DiaryStewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.comBlogger45125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-7262734504932804022014-07-10T22:29:00.003+01:002014-07-11T09:58:19.384+01:00A voyeur of painful gait,<br />
i watched him limp along<br />
in this deserted urban heatwave.<br />
Humped like a camel zombie:<br />
a staggeringly blissful oasis of relief.<br />
Oh how i envied his half-life;<br />
oblivious and unafraid of tomorrow.<br />
Sip, after sip. <br />
Cheers to you, sir.<br />
You hold the keys to the universe.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-35504333811402631062014-06-23T20:25:00.002+01:002014-06-23T20:25:43.760+01:00Death IS my dominion<br /> Starlight blinded Zombie Thomas,<br /> You flow over London bridge with the rest,<br /> Patronising, haunted,<br /> A leather-bound Dylanesque anxiety guitar.<br /> Inglorious, muddy Roman-Greco mechanical wrestling<br /> echoes through the trenches of Khandahar,<br /> fuelled by the throat-red shrill of frightened banshee teens.<br /><br /><br /> My death will be glorious.<br /> This death will be my own.<br /> But no red pin will cradle my lapel,<br /> Not on white tracksuit tops<br /> Or on baseball caps,<br /> Turned backward in futile defiance<br /> To whatever is left of rebellion.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-31206432349370923532014-06-23T15:58:00.002+01:002014-06-23T16:00:14.385+01:00The tractor trailer mechanically forced grain into the football pitch.<br />
The seeds like anti-depressant pills;<br />
The grass will grow, <br />
with symbiotic weeds,<br />
and keep growing.<br />
Kids will kick balls around in a semi-chaos,<br />
Stunt time,<br />
Remind our fathers of how fucked up they make their offspring.<br />
GOAL.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-55020218643899049872014-06-22T10:11:00.001+01:002014-06-23T13:13:55.586+01:00<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
Sauchiehall
street,<br />
beneath the stark, commercial lights<br />
we, the
impenetrable conjoined silhouettes,<br />
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
defied the chaotic
convention<br />
of fragmented Glaswegian windows <br />
and
street-shattered bottle glass. <br />
<br />
We fused together,
<br />
incandescent with warmth; <br />
a spectacle to sting the eyes of
the lonely.<br />
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
We loved with no
spark,<br />
far beyond mere language and train-timetables.<br />
It was
real, as real as neon gas.<br />
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="western" style="margin-bottom: 0cm;">
<br /></div>
Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-12065948107108825642014-02-23T02:17:00.002+00:002014-06-21T09:17:35.385+01:00<br />
<br />
In you I search,<br />
Behind the deep quiet of ordinary eyes<br />
For pixels of life.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I tremble and flinch,<br />
For nothing screams or tenses up.<br />
A deafening zero...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-63695407289304092952014-02-12T03:49:00.002+00:002014-06-21T09:18:10.544+01:00Do not be fooled<br />
this stuff that hurts<br />
I alone consume.<br />
it's mine;<br />
regardless of the time,<br />
or the who.<br />
You are what you love,<br />
not what loves you.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-24082202620354652002014-02-10T22:38:00.002+00:002014-02-23T04:18:13.513+00:00From the endless cradle of dreams,<br />
open mouthed <br />
reality falls around like slow Alaskan rain.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-67420395202854568912014-02-04T22:29:00.001+00:002014-06-22T10:12:39.831+01:00Defy this body.<br />
Test the laws of human frailty<br />
and purge your fragile, tight-tube heart.<br />
<br />
GET UP.<br />
please.<br />
GET up.<br />
please <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Transcend this unholy fucking bed.<br />
Walk straight, do not slip:<br />
set fire to that pale good night,<br />
boil these comfortable morphine tears;<br />
This sweet December frost<br />
kills not in a garden of death.<br />
Rage, rage, strike back,<br />
Annihilate the living and their cost.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-90523535646092312692014-01-24T01:32:00.000+00:002014-01-24T01:32:23.237+00:00fourteen off one hundred<br />
yet sick as wee girl<br />
on the couch<br />
silhouetted by television,<br />
enveloped in your mothers wings.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-56988993780262299482014-01-23T01:37:00.001+00:002014-01-23T02:18:19.644+00:00dear gran, <br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I'm sat here on my couch watching the late film on bbc1 and thinking about all the Saturday nights i used to come and stay at your house and watch the late film on bbc 1. We never liked comedies, and you would absolutely bloody hate the one I'm watching right now.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Thank you for constantly berating me for giving up on school - i think you were proud that i stuck in at uni this time. I had this fantasy that you would be there at my graduation, but as you lie right now in obscenity, on a dull white hospital bed, i know that this will never be. I thought i had enough time, that tomorrow was always an option, i wish i hadn't been so naïve.<br />
<br />
<br />
I can't imagine how scared and alone you feel right now, knowing that in the next few days you are going to die - I just wish i could do something, i wish i had done more before now. <br />
<br />
<br />
I love you Gran, I'm so, so sorry i took you for granted these last few years. I wish to God you didn't have to go.<br />
<br /><br />
All my love<br />
Stewarty xxx<br />
<br />Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-78180338930720522672014-01-17T10:34:00.001+00:002014-01-25T11:41:06.774+00:00singer man<br />
do your worst<br />
sing a song<br />
make it hurt.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-36129401601854904422014-01-16T13:10:00.000+00:002014-01-16T22:46:39.210+00:00Half asleep <br />
on a train quarter full,<br />
i remember how you cried on my shoulder<br />
from Queen St. Station <br />
all the way to Alloa. <br />
Clasped my hand deep into yours,<br />
tilted head on my chest,<br />
tears dissolving my shirt;<br />
my armour,<br />
fattening my regular heart.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-22332854700163873512014-01-12T01:41:00.003+00:002014-01-12T01:56:46.641+00:00A mid-day garden nap<br />
Invites near-forgotten sunlit dreams.<br />
Lonely communion of nostalgia<br />
before dark, afternoon still<br />
triumphant in fond memory.<br />
Past fear of loss -<br />
Outgrown.<br />
Too lush and tall<br />
(the grass of our refrain)<br />
to let the darkness in.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-60437149483812695652014-01-10T01:48:00.001+00:002014-01-10T01:48:24.032+00:00All the very best of us<br />
String ourselves up for love.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-79593149592706913412014-01-07T03:04:00.001+00:002014-01-10T01:52:02.669+00:00Times decrepit old legs,<br />
stalking a mind <br />
uneasy and frought with regret.<br />
It can not overtake<br />
with thighs bloody and sinews stretched:<br />
a race that never starts<br />
or ends.<br />
it stands still,<br />
glaring anxiously <br />
at my darkest mistake.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-57402449244978727882014-01-04T23:55:00.000+00:002014-01-04T23:55:02.667+00:00I remember the time you saw me in bootcut jeans and laughed your fucking head off :) Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-55915553242753310662014-01-01T00:47:00.001+00:002014-01-01T18:39:33.170+00:00in this slow-quick turn<br />
of fireworks, whiskey and coal<br />
i am born once more<br />
i can shine in towers of light<br />
and crush the confines of love<br />
that hold me here<br />
rage beyond the mightiest guns <br />
that kill my bedtime<br />
fuck you and every sensible, modest thought<br />
this year i wish not to be caught <br />
in a net of regret.<br />
<br />Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-39103027540977393262013-12-29T22:09:00.001+00:002013-12-29T22:09:22.721+00:00Albi the racist dragon :-)Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-75886076332770631052013-12-27T23:47:00.000+00:002013-12-27T23:47:01.423+00:00<a href="http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=fycGFGSeKpc&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DfycGFGSeKpc">paper dolls and people, they're a similar shape :-) </a>Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-23871368121130312732013-12-27T23:21:00.001+00:002013-12-27T23:21:07.520+00:00<a href="http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=5mqC1E_-yjc&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3D5mqC1E_-yjc">Nothing gets better than memories when all you have are memories for friends.</a>Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-72083149816570511372013-12-27T00:46:00.001+00:002013-12-27T00:49:33.709+00:00I would give anything to go back, to lie in our bed and read Philip Larkin to each other and never notice the time. To have you pick me up from work on my break just to go home and fuck. I could write words and sentences for a thousand years and never articulate this sense of loss.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-72010087137851546992013-12-27T00:39:00.001+00:002013-12-27T00:39:16.447+00:00<a href="http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x5jvxl_counting-crows-colorblind-cruel-int_shortfilms">I am folding and unfolding. I am folded. I am.</a>Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-22450579046573216512013-12-26T21:53:00.000+00:002013-12-26T21:53:12.075+00:00<br />
<a href="http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=dJQxh-6ALt4&desktop_uri=%2Fwatch%3Fv%3DdJQxh-6ALt4">Beautiful</a><div>
<br /></div>
<div>
Come on skinny love,</div>
<div>
What happened here?</div>
Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-44008480097795217622013-12-20T01:09:00.000+00:002014-06-20T20:25:51.317+01:00Sipped my coffee<br />
warm heat<br />
sugar but no sweetness <br />
mug personalised<br />
though bereft of meaning <br />
now, passed<br />
like you and me<br />
or bagless tea.Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1661851810665173972.post-21777760894377794782013-12-16T22:31:00.001+00:002013-12-16T22:52:05.180+00:00how have i hurt thee,<br />
censored are the ways.<br />
in desperation mocked, <br />
a mode of life you too know well,<br />
the things in me you then loved best<br />
now smash beyond your future mask.<br />
huddled round the screen<br />
'you freak' i hear.<br />
i loathe the world in which you live,<br />
obscene to turn such human ears.<br />
<br />Stewarthttp://www.blogger.com/profile/10078981570963620824noreply@blogger.com0